Kate's Apology
by LittleLizzieZentara
Summary: After everything, at the very LEAST he deserves an apology. Spoilers for 1st episode of season 2 and 19th episode of season 4. Potential spoilers for all other episodes through season 4.


**This is the quickest idea-to-story that I've ever had. I just got the idea a couple days ago. I've been thinking for a while that Kate should apologize for all that she's put Castle through. And I've always loved what I call 'Castle's Awesome Apology.' I even almost called this 'Kate's Awesome Apology' until I remembered that I'm the only one that I've ever heard or read referring to Castle's apology that way. It's at the end of the 1****st**** episode of season 2, if you want to look for it.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, Kate would DEFINITELY tell Castle how she feels by the end of Monday's episode. Even if that does happen (Please! Please! Please!) I still don't own it.**

The expression on Castle's face as those elevator doors closed had haunted Kate all day. It was a mixture of restrained anger and disillusionment that she had never seen before from her normally easy-going partner. Not even when he had found out that his first muse was a double agent hell bent on destroying them all.

It was sobering to realize that her actions had hurt him more than Sophia's had.

Kate had known things wouldn't go well once she told him that she had lied about what she remembered. But she had never thought it would go like this.

She had always planned to tell him when she was ready. And she had been so _close_ to being ready!

Now her thoughtless actions brought about by her unceasing quest for justice had ruined everything

Would he, _could_ he, forgive her?

The truth was Kate didn't know for sure.

For the last year, longer than that really, Kate had focused on herself. Her mother's murder. Her grief over losing her captain and mentor. Her need to heal from the shooting that had come so close to ending her life. Her PTSD. Her need to get rid of those walls so that she could have the kind of relationship she wanted.

Had she ever, once, thought of Castle? Of how he must have felt?

She felt sick realizing the answer was probably 'no.'

How scared he must have been of losing her to push her like he had, confronting her on all the things they never talked about.

How grief-stricken Castle himself must have been when they lost their captain.

How desperate he had been to keep her alive as the bullet ripped a hole in her chest.

Then to have spilled his heart out to her, only to have her, as far as he knew, not remember. And then to deal with her over three month absence, thinking she had turned to Josh to get her through her recovery.

Like Josh would have been any help, even if she hadn't broken up with him before she left the hospital. All the man could see were her physical wounds. And most ludicrous of all, he blamed _Castle_ for them!

That had been the only time Josh had ever yelled at her, after he had failed to get her to change her mind about breaking up with him. Kate's response had been a cold, 'You don't know _anything_!" Josh had merely given her a disgusted look and said, 'Whose fault is that?" before turning and slamming open the door and storming out of her hospital room.

Then she hadn't even bothered to tell Castle that she was no longer with the surgeon. Even when she had shown up at his book signing, she hadn't said anything about it. Instead, he had inferred it by her silence on the topic.

Mistake after mistake. They just piled up higher and higher until they buried her under their weight.

She needed to talk to him.

Now.

Not for herself, but for him.

Because he deserved better than this.

At the very least, she owed him an apology.

The thought brought to her mind an apology Castle had given her so long ago, after he had first dug in to her mother's case.

As she drove to the loft, the words played over in over in her head like a mantra:

_I'm sorry. What I did was wrong. I violated your trust, I opened old wounds and I did not respect your wishes. And if we're not going to see each other again then you deserve to know, I am very, very sorry._

Her partner had taught her so much. The least of which was how to admit when you were wrong.

The doorman didn't even raise an eyebrow when Kate approached but merely waved her on through. Relief flooded her that Castle hadn't ordered the man to deny her access.

Kate was slightly shaking by the time she reached his door. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her rising anxiety before raising her hand to the door and giving her usual brisk knock.

"Beckett," Castle's tone was flat when he opened the door. There was no warmth in his eyes, just an aloof stare that she'd never thought he would direct at her.

Not that she blamed him.

"Now really isn't a good time," he said in that same emotionless tone, moving to close the door.

"Castle, please," Kate pleaded. _Pleaded._ She never pleaded, least of all with Castle. But she knew that her window of opportunity was rapidly slamming shut. "I just want to apologize. That's it, I promise. Let me apologize, and then I'll leave."

Castle let out a sigh and stepped back, waving her inside. He gave her a startled look when she stopped in the doorway. She shook head in answer to the question in his eyes. If she stepped into his loft, let him close the door behind her, she might get emotional. She might not be able to fight the urge to throw herself into his arms, an urge she had fought back numerous times in the last few months, especially since the bank robbery. And then it would become all about her again. She didn't want that, especially now.

"I'm sorry," she started, using his long ago apology as her guide. "What I did was wrong. I violated your trust in me by not being honest with you. I was selfish and I took you for granted. I didn't look at things from your perspective and my actions just kept poking at your wounds that my thoughtlessness caused." Kate closed her eyes for a brief moment, forcing the tears back. She took a deep shaky breath and continued. "And if we're not going to be partners anymore, if you don't want to see me again at all, I understand and I'll respect your wishes. I just want you to know that I'm really very sorry. And although my actions may have given you very little reason to believe me, I do love you. No matter what happens now, you deserve to know that."

Having said what she had come to say, Kate forced herself to turn around, not even allowing herself a last glimpse. She knew if she gave in to the temptation, she wouldn't be able to hold herself together. As it was, she wondered whether she would be able to wait until she made her way out of the building before breaking down.

"Kate."

Castle's tone was unusually quiet when he called out to her before Kate was even halfway to the elevators. The detective stopped but didn't let herself turn around.

Kate couldn't keep the gasp of surprise from escaping her lips when she felt his hands on her shoulders. She didn't resist when the man turned her around.

There was a long silence. Kate finally realized that Castle was waiting for her to look him in the eyes. The emotions churning in his blue gaze made tears well in Kate's own. She blinked rapidly, refusing to let them fall.

Anger, hurt and determination filled his gaze. But, unless Kate's mind was playing tricks on her-which at this point seemed highly possible-there was also love.

That last emotion surprised her. Not that she thought he would fall out of love with her in the few seconds it had taken her to speak the words in the interrogation room that had caused him such pain. But the man was a master at disguising his emotions when he chose to. And the last thing she thought he would be showing her now was love.

Determination was the dominant emotion in his tone when he spoke. "Kate, it's going to take some time. But we _will _get through this." He lifted his hand and lightly brushed away a tear that Kate hadn't even known had been slipping down her cheek. "And no matter what, I will _always_ love you."

Kate's ability to resist dissolved with those words. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. When Castle's arms wrapped around her in response, she found she couldn't keep the words back. "I love you," she whispered.

She had no idea how much time passed before Castle slowly eased out of her arms.

"Until tomorrow, Detective," he said.

Really?

Tomorrow?

He was coming back to the precinct tomorrow?

But didn't he need time?

The confusion must have shown on her face, because his lips tilted in a tender smile. "Tomorrow, Kate."

Kate! He called her Kate!

The detective had never been so excited to hear a man call her by her first name.

She couldn't have kept the beaming smile from her face if she tried. And she didn't even bother to hide her emotions from this wonderful, loving, forgiving man.

"Until tomorrow," she agreed.

As she walked away Kate felt like skipping like she'd come so close to doing when she'd approached Castle at Ryan and Jenny's wedding

She knew things weren't resolved, not completely. Castle was still hurt and they would have a lot they would need to work through before they would be able to be truly 'together.'

But they had taken that all-important first step.

Finally.

**For those who have read my other rants on this topic, the end of this story gives you an idea of my thoughts on this issue. I don't think the secret coming out and Kate admitting how she feels is the ultimate destination. Instead, I think of it as the first step of the journey known as "Caskett." We've called them that for who knows how long, but really they've been 'Castle' and 'Beckett,' a 'you and me' and not a 'we.' Although AM has said (unless this is another one of those 'lying' spoilers and he didn't actually say it) that they've already together (um, how exactly?).**

**So, do I think it's going to go like this? Not really. But (not that I think I'm smarter than AM or anything, but this is my personal opinion) I think this is how it SHOULD go. Kate has put Castle through a lot this last year and I think she should feel bad for it and apologize.**

**How do I think it will go? I have a feeling Kate's reaction is going to be defensive and she'll probably push him away. I'm HOPING that she'll admit how she feels in this episode, but knowing AM, he'll probably want us to squirm through the end of the season, or longer, before Kate admits to Castle that she loves him. Yes, that is my pessimistic prediction, but there you have it. I DO think Castle's reaction would go something very much like this if Kate DID react the way I describe in this one-shot. Although my guess is that they'll have a blow-up fight about it at the precinct. Or he'll just walk away like I described in this one-shot. I'd say it could easily go either way. I'm HOPING the last scene will be Kate going to the loft and admitting how she feels. I think we've squirmed enough (from 'Countdown' on for me), but what really matters, show-wise, is what AM thinks. But you never know. I figured that her secret wouldn't come out until at LEAST the 20****th**** or 21****st**** episode, if not the season finale. So maybe I'll be pleasantly stunned once again.**

**So what do you guys think? About my speculations and the story (mostly the story, but I'm curious what fan speculations for the episode are, too) **


End file.
